Where Were They Then?
by aeris7
Summary: It's just the beggining, so don't worry if it leaves you up in the air. And be patient, the rest is coming!!!


disclaimer: i WISH i owned them all, but i dont. and i have no money   
so dont bother sueing anyway  
  
The scene begins with Cloud and Tifa alone in the Highwind. Everyone   
has just left to go find their purpose or whatever it was Cloud was   
on about in his touching speech.  
  
As soon as the last person has gone Cloud leaps over to Tifa and starts to  
rip off her clothes. Tifa whacks him over the head and steps away  
Tifa: Cloud! What, did you just get out of prison or something?  
Cloud: O Tifa, please...please succumb to your desires...  
Tifa: No Cloud, for the last time I will not have anal sex with you!  
*Cloud pouts and walks away, leans over to pick up a tub of hair gel off  
the floor.  
Cloud: What on Earth?! Who the Hell has been using my hair gel! I swear,  
if Yuffie and Vincent are using it for lubricant again, I'll...!  
Tifa: lubricant? Hmmmmm, you know, Cloud, I HAVE been getting rather  
curious about your little fantasy...  
Cloud: My little Fantasy? You know I've thought about it for six   
nights, so tonight would make it Anal Fantasy Seven...heheheh, geddit?  
*However Tifa is too busy eyeing the hair gel in Cloud's hand, and runs  
to push him to the floor....  
  
***  
  
Some days later the crew are back and everyone is happy, though Tifa is  
feeling a little sore. They are about to embark on the journey to the  
Northern Crater.  
Cid: Let's blow this joint! Everyone loaded and ready?  
Cloud: Heh, I'm ALWAYS loaded and ready!  
Tifa turns red and looks away  
Barrett: Geez, you jes fulla hormones, aintcha?  
Vincent:...................  
Cloud: Ask Tifa! So Barrett, how'd everything go in Midgar?  
Barrett:........why you askin', foo'?!  
Cloud: Simple conversation starter. But i see you're a little tempestuous  
right now...so I'll ask someone else...  
*As Cloud looks around the room he notices everyone trying to avoid his   
gaze  
Cloud: Alright, what is it? Do i have shit all over me again? I already   
told ya's about my little compulsive fingerpainting problem,   
can we leave it alone yet?  
Vincent:....................  
Tifa: Cloud, there's nothing on your face...  
*Cloud continues to be ignored by everyone except Tifa who can't stop  
looking at the brand-new tub of hair gel in his hands.  
Cloud: What? *tries a direct approach: So, Yuffie, what'd you get up  
to on your little holiday?  
Yuffie: That is not your concern, sir...I mean, none of your damn   
business, you spikey headed mental patient!  
*Cloud shrugs and walks over to Nanaki: Where were YOU last night, hmmmm?  
Nanaki: I... at....ummm, what was the question?  
Cid: *snort* you dumb freak! He asked where you were!  
*Cloud spins on Cid as evil murder mystery music plays in the background  
Tifa: Stop calling him that, Cid! He's not a freak!  
Cid: Then what is he? A dog? A cat? The mangy nitwits' tail is on fire  
24 hours a day and he doesn't even notice! That's means he's either   
stupid or a freak. I prefer freak.  
*Cloud rolls his eyes: Look, if you all don't tell me where you've been   
I will chop the genitals of every male in this room (Cid, Barrett, Cait  
Sith and Nanaki all cover themselves with their hands by instinct.   
Vincent just stands there. Yuffie goes to cover herself but realises she  
isn't a guy and sighs with relief), and send you girls to Don Corneo!  
Yuffie: Please sir, be so kind as to refrain from mentioning that ghastly  
name...I uhhhh, I mean, For Gawd's sake Cloud shut the hell up before I   
bash you!  
Cloud: Then tell me what's going on!  
Everyone: ....................  
Cloud: I'll dock your pay  
Cait Sith: Everyone's getting paid? What the HEll?  
Vincent:..................  
Cloud: I'll take your materia  
Everyone: .......................  
Cloud: No more Playstation.........  
Everyone:...............  
Vincent:..................   
Cloud: I'll cut off the beer supply. You'll all have to face Sephiroth   
sober!  
Cid: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! That's it, I cant' take it anymore! Money,  
materia, video games, hell, even my wrinkly impotent little baby sized  
dick is one thing Cloud, but there ain't no way you're taking away my  
beer! I'll tell! I'll tell!  
Everyone else but Cloud and Tifa: Yeah, we'll tell! Just don't harm  
the beer!  
Cloud, all smug: Fine. Barrett, you start.  
Barrett: awright....it all happened in Kalm when i went ta see Marlene...  
  
***  
  



End file.
